The Person in the Mirror: How do you see yourself?

Over the years, I have come to realise that humans beings, by nature are creatures who want to fit into a social universe. While many profess not to care about what others think, the reality is different. A majority of people become depressed and agitated when it becomes clear that they're not accepted by a group of people or by a person of concern.

I vividly remember a wedding I attended a few years ago. I remember this particular wedding because of the events that preceded the ceremony. A friend and I planned on attending the wedding and we agreed to "dress to impress". That fateful afternoon, I was all dressed and smelling good when my friend "appeared", badly dressed. The dress was clearly 2 sizes bigger and did not fit her at all. She asked me, "what do you think?" For a moment, I was speechless. The dress clearly did not fit and there was no way I was going to tell her otherwise. I looked at her in the face and said, "It's big. It doesn't look good." The party literally ended at this point because she got so mad at me for not appreciating her. She left the party and because we planned it together for a long time, I got bored and left the party prematurely as well.

One thing is clear. My friend must have looked at herself in the mirror before leaving the house. Considering the fact that she is a lady of great taste in fashion, I suspect she knew the dress was big and did not fit. But somehow, she was hoping people (including me) would see it differently.

This human tendency goes beyond dressing. Many people seek to potray a different picture of themselves. For instance, broke and struggling people want to appear rich, losers want to appear as winners, you name it.

The bottom line is that people pretend and ignore devastating consequences. Nowadays, people drive cars that they should not be in, people live in houses that they should not be living in, people wear dresses they should not be wearing - all in a bid to sway public opinion. As a matter of fact, people want to be rich for all the wrong reasons and this has driven many into debt. Needless to say, their stress level is high because they're living a lie. Is it worth it?

I know some people will be quick to point out that it's alright if it makes them happy. No doubt, happiness is important but there're ways of being responsible and happy.

In life, it's important to know what others think of you, although the clearest view depends on how you see yourself.

Share

Tweet

Optimism vs. Pessimism: Is the glass half empty or half full?

A discussion on my Facebook wall on November 13, 2009 brought this timeless philosophical question to my mind: Is the glass half empty of half full? This question is commonly used to indicate that a particular situation could be a cause for optimism or pessimism.

On the above date, I updated my Facebook status with the words, "Good things happen to good people". Many of my friends responded to the update. They shared one thing in common - disagreement. I was not surprised. I'm fully aware of the fact that many people focus on the negative side of things and completely ignore the positive side. For instance, people focus on the number of good people to whom bad things have happened and completely ignore the good number of good people to whom good things have happened.

How we respond to life's experiences (how we see the glass) is a key determinant of the level of success we attain. When you experience difficulties and setbacks in life do you see them as just another proof that everything is working against you? When you face challenges in life, do you give in or do you punch back? When life knocks you down, do you stay down and cry or do you get up and keep going?

Traditionally, the world is made up of optimists (those who see the glass half full) and pessimists (those who see the glass half empty). A pessimist who sees the glass half empty is expecting a full glass while the optimist operates under the assumption that the glass could as well be completely empty or there would have been no glass at all. The person who sees the glass half empty imagines how things could be better and completely ignores the fact that it could be worst. Such a person could be compared to the kid who complains that he has no new shoes, completely forgetting that there're other less previleged kids who have no shoes at all. As a matter of fact, there're people who don't even have feet to wear shoes.

Answer the questions below and find out whether you may be too negative or trying hard to stay positive.

• Do you give up early and often or do you refuse to give up without a good fight?
• When you meet a new person, do you expect to like the person or be annoyed by the person?
• Do you think the best days of your life are yet to come, are happening now or have already happened?
• Does failure make you depressed or stronger?
• Do you believe most people try to be good or are liars and cheats?
• When your boss offers you a challenging task, do you become suspicious that nobody else wants the task or are you glad to help out?
• Whenever you predict the future, do you think something good is about to happen to you or something bad?

After answering the above questions myself, I can safely conclude that I see the glass half full. No matter what's going on in my life, I always find something to be thankful for and try to remain positive. I try as much as possible to inspire the people around me and to make the world a happier place. With this positive attitude, I might even live longer!

It is worth mentioning that there's an alternative view of optimism and pessimism (in relation to the glass half full or half empty). Another school of thought suggests that the person who sees the glass half full is a pessimist who has been pleasantly surprised; a person who is satisfied with the status quo and thinks he/she does not deserve more. On the other hand, the person who sees the glass half empty is an optimist who has been disappointed and sincerely believes he/she can do better.

All in all, no matter your perspective to this philosophical question, the bottom line is that your level of success in anything you do depends on whether you have a positive or negative attitude towards life's experiences.

Share

Tweet

4 Reasons why Everyone is not Happy about your Success

In this greatest game of all (life), everyone wants to be successful. Everyone wants to emerge victorious. We all want that dream job, car, family, house, bank account, business, you name it. We work very hard and put in all it takes to achieve our goals. When we become successful, it is no secret that everyone will join us celebrate but not everyone will be truly happy about our success. The question that arises here is, why is everyone not happy about your success?

1. You never let anyone steal your dream. Do not think that everyone who is not happy about your success is programmed to be unhappy; they're not. The problem for some people is that somewhere down the line someone (spouse, parent, friend, sibling) stole their dream and they never dared to dream again. Consequently, when you pursue your dream and make it a reality without listening to dream stealers , they feel cheated and become unhappy about your success.

2. You broke the status quo. Many people are comfortable with their lives as it is and never try to make life what it ought to be. They think they don't deserve more. You on the other hand thought differently and set out to make life what it ought to be. Your success, no doubt would leave those around you afraid of how your changes will affect your relationship with them. For example, where I come from, the man is considered the head of the family and more often than not, men earn more money than women and feel threatened by women who set out to boost their income. A husband in some cases, would not be happy about his wife's drive to earn more money than him and would do everything possible to avoid the situation (sounds silly but it's real). In this same vein, when you broke the staus quo, not everyone will be happy about your success.

3. You made tough choices. In the quest for success, you're bound to make some tough choices. In some cases, you might have to drop some negative friends, you might become interested in activities your friends consider "boring" such as going to business meetings, trainings and reading. As you make these choices, you'd leave behind some people in the choices you did not make and these people will inevitably be unhappy about your success when you succeed.

4. You paid the price. Before becoming successful, you took action and paid the price for success. Make no mistake about it, there were people who saw promise in your venture but were not willing to take action and to pay the price. In some cases you even reached out to them to join you but they either turned down the offer or did not pursue it to the end. Do not be surprised when the same people feel betrayed by you because you took action and paid the price for success.

It is evident that everyone would not be happy about your success. You can't do anything about it! However, this is no excuse for you to stop pursuing the dream. You're probably aware of the fact that all the people who have improved the quality of life today withstood an unslaught of people who were either not happy about their success or wanted them to fail. A few people may be unhappy about you success but keep in mind that there's someone somewhere looking up to you for inspiration.

Share

Tweet