One Reason why Domestic Violence Against Women still Prevails!

On Monday 8 Febuary 2010, a friend of mine posted an article on Facebook which boggled my mind till today. It was the story of Katie Piper - an aspiring model whose future was changed forever when a man (hired by her boyfriend) threw sulphuric acid in her face. Katie's story is a reminder of the many women around the world caught up in violent and abusive relationships. According to the "Real Men" Campaign, in the U.S., domestic violence is a major problem and is the leading cause of injury to women - more than rapes, muggings and car accidents combined. On the other side of the Atlantic - Western Europe, Finland has one of the highest rates of domestic violence. According to Statistics Finland, 43.5% of Finnish women surveyed had experienced violence (from a man) after the age of 15. The statistics are staggering and violence against women is truly a frightening social problem. But one thing is clear: most victims admit that they had been assaulted in the past but did not tell anybody. They often wait until they believe their life is in danger. This leads us to one major reason why domestic violence against women still prevails today despite all the campaigns and education.

Women are tolerant (God bless their souls). I'm not blaming women for domestic violence and under no circumstance should women be blamed for violence against them. But it is plausible to argue that one reason why violence against women still prevails today is because many women tolerate violent and abusive men. They stick around in silence in abusive relationships hoping things will get better.

Before Katie Piper's boyfriend hired someone to throw sulphuric acid in her face, he beat and raped her in a hotel. Katie didn't tell anyone; not even the police. She didn't tell anyone because she feared that he'd kill her if she did. Don't you think it would have made a difference if she turned him in after the initial abuse? This is the story of many women across the world.

It's worth mentioning that a good number of women tolerate violent men for the sake of the children. This, no doubt, is a valid reason. But do you believe it is better to stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of the children? Even if you stay, statistics show that you'd leave the relationship at some point - when your life is in danger. So why wait for the situation to get worse? What happened to the old adage: better safe than sorry? When did physical violence and demeaning words become a normal part of life? Who ever said kids would be better off watching their dad engage mom in "mortal combat?" Most importantly - why do women tolerate domestic violence? Could it be a matter of Self-Esteem? Do women think they don't deserve better?

In a bid to explain why women tolerate domestic violence, Iyanla Vanzant - a woman who tolerated 9 years of domestic violence from her husband said, "one reason is that we have seen other women who get beaten. We become what we see... We accept that as part of the norm. We just don't know any better." Iyanla is author of Interiors: A Black Woman's Healing in Progress. She envisaged that in order to break free from domestic violence, a woman has to make up her mind that it's not going to happen again.

Guess what, "if a man hits you once, he will hit you again." Have no illusions about it.



Before you stay in an abusive relationship, make sure you read the poem entitled "Another Woman."

And in case you missed it - Real Men Don't Hit Women! Men who abuse and violate women should not be tolerated.

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Real Men Don't Hit Women!

Domestic violence refers to a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship. The people in question could be married, dating or cohabiting. It has many forms and goes beyond physical aggression. It includes threats, emotional abuse, domineering, intimidation, you name it. It is worth mentioning that though the definition of domestic violence seems simple enough, it's application varies quite significantly. Why do men hit women?

When talking about domestic violence, emphasis tend to be on women, as victims, because statistics show that women suffer greater rates of injury as a result of domestic abuse.

Last year, 2009, many cases of domestic violence were brought to the lime light - the most conspicuous being the Chris Brown - Rihanna saga. Over the years, many women have been victims of domestic violence. Unfortunately, not all of the cases are reported. Celebrity cases, however, usually attract a lot of attention and media coverage.

On Christmas eve, last year (December 24 2009), one of my favorite actors - 44-year-old Charlie Sheen (in the picture above) was arrested and spent the better part of Christmas day in a Colorado jail cell. He was arrested on allegations of domestic violence and dragged to jail on Christmas morning by officers who responded to a frantic 911 call. Be rest assured, no one was hurt. An ambulance went to the house but the accuser, who later turned out to be his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen, was not taken to the hospital.

I still can't comprehend why the "funny" star of "Two and A Half Men" would hit his wife. Keep in mind that this is still an allegation. He is innocent until proven guilty! However, according to the Aspen police spokeswoman - Stephanie Dasaro, Charlie is being investigated for second-degree assault and menacing, both felonies, along with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor. Charlie was released on bail ($8,500) and slammed with a restraining order. At the end of the day, was it worth it?

Sheen's publicist, Stan Rosenfield, warned that we shouldn't jump to any conclusion about the scandal. I agree. But what would prompt a "funny" guy like Charlie to hit his wife? No doubt, men frequently blame domestic violence on alcohol consumption, mental illness, their father beat their mother, love, fear, no self-control. Who cares?

When allegations of domestic violence are recurrent, as in Charlie's case, there's a major cause for concern. The perpetrator in question, needs to be stopped before it's too late. Charlie Sheen could be termed a "repeat offender" on the loose - in December 1996, he was arrested for attacking a girlfriend at his Southern California home. How many more 911 calls have to be made before he's stopped?

We can talk all day about domestic violence but it all boils down to the fact that there's no excuse for the offence. It should not be tolerated! I don't tolerate violence against women; nobody should. My wish is that survivors and perpetrators of domestic violence get help. In a civilized society, domestic violence has no place.

I'm not an advocate for divorce or break-ups. But I'm tempted to ask, why do women stay? If a man hits you, chances are he'd do it again.

I'm concerned about this subject because I know domestic violence is cowardly and the consequences are grave. Besides, I have a mother and 4 sisters! I don't want something like this happening to any of them. It's a shame that domestic violence still exists today.We need more men to stand up and challenge violence against women because REAL MEN DON'T HIT WOMEN!

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