Personal Blog of Zuzeeko Abeng

Friday, January 1, 2010

Real Men Don't Hit Women!

Domestic violence refers to a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship. The people in question could be married, dating or cohabiting. It has many forms and goes beyond physical aggression. It includes threats, emotional abuse, domineering, intimidation, you name it. It is worth mentioning that though the definition of domestic violence seems simple enough, it's application varies quite significantly. Why do men hit women?

When talking about domestic violence, emphasis tend to be on women, as victims, because statistics show that women suffer greater rates of injury as a result of domestic abuse.

Last year, 2009, many cases of domestic violence were brought to the lime light - the most conspicuous being the Chris Brown - Rihanna saga. Over the years, many women have been victims of domestic violence. Unfortunately, not all of the cases are reported. Celebrity cases, however, usually attract a lot of attention and media coverage.

On Christmas eve, last year (December 24 2009), one of my favorite actors - 44-year-old Charlie Sheen (in the picture above) was arrested and spent the better part of Christmas day in a Colorado jail cell. He was arrested on allegations of domestic violence and dragged to jail on Christmas morning by officers who responded to a frantic 911 call. Be rest assured, no one was hurt. An ambulance went to the house but the accuser, who later turned out to be his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen, was not taken to the hospital.

I still can't comprehend why the "funny" star of "Two and A Half Men" would hit his wife. Keep in mind that this is still an allegation. He is innocent until proven guilty! However, according to the Aspen police spokeswoman - Stephanie Dasaro, Charlie is being investigated for second-degree assault and menacing, both felonies, along with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor. Charlie was released on bail ($8,500) and slammed with a restraining order. At the end of the day, was it worth it?

Sheen's publicist, Stan Rosenfield, warned that we shouldn't jump to any conclusion about the scandal. I agree. But what would prompt a "funny" guy like Charlie to hit his wife? No doubt, men frequently blame domestic violence on alcohol consumption, mental illness, their father beat their mother, love, fear, no self-control. Who cares?

When allegations of domestic violence are recurrent, as in Charlie's case, there's a major cause for concern. The perpetrator in question, needs to be stopped before it's too late. Charlie Sheen could be termed a "repeat offender" on the loose - in December 1996, he was arrested for attacking a girlfriend at his Southern California home. How many more 911 calls have to be made before he's stopped?

We can talk all day about domestic violence but it all boils down to the fact that there's no excuse for the offence. It should not be tolerated! I don't tolerate violence against women; nobody should. My wish is that survivors and perpetrators of domestic violence get help. In a civilized society, domestic violence has no place.

I'm not an advocate for divorce or break-ups. But I'm tempted to ask, why do women stay? If a man hits you, chances are he'd do it again.

I'm concerned about this subject because I know domestic violence is cowardly and the consequences are grave. Besides, I have a mother and 4 sisters! I don't want something like this happening to any of them. It's a shame that domestic violence still exists today.We need more men to stand up and challenge violence against women because REAL MEN DON'T HIT WOMEN!

My Top 10 Most Inspirational Facebook Friends of the Year - 2009

This year, 2009, was a groundbreaking year for me on Facebook. Through the magic of the internet, I interacted with people who shared their thoughts, perspectives and insights on a variety of issues. A couple of them made a major deposite to my knowledge bank, by sharing and exchanging inspiring thoughts. I was inspired by people, most of whom I have not met. Without further ado, here's my Top 10 Most Inspirational Facebook Friends of 2009. The following list is in alphabetical order:

1) Jemia Asobo: She is one of the few I have met in person. As a matter of fact, she was my teacher in secondary school. She introduced me to French language and English Literature. We've not met for a long time. But, thanks to Facebook, she remains my teacher and continues to inspire me from a distance. She updates her status with poetic quotes, from time to time. I hope someday she reads this: Thank you very much, Ms. J! You're still the best!

2) Hilaire Aben: Wow! I don't think I have met Hilaire. But I suspect our paths crossed somewhere in Cameroon (we have many mutual friends). From the day I added him as a friends on Facebook, I knew he was a guy to watch. Guess what happened? After a very short period of time, he published his blog: MY FOOD FOR THOUGHTS YOU DO THE DISHES. His blog inspired me to publish mine - which was unpublished for a very long time. I hope you're reading this, brother: Keep doing your thing; you never know who's watching!

3) Lema Abeng-Nsah: My big sister and mentor! What can I say? I'm sure she knows her name will be on such a list. I can never thank her enough for her support and leadership. Without her, I'd still be the "little boy" I was prior to October 8 2008. She exposed me to an opportunity which has made me the man I'm today. Needless to say, she has been with me every step of the way and is determined to support me all the way to the finish line. I read her blog, Face2Face with Success daily. I suggest you become a fan of her blog on Facebook. You won't regret it! I'd be doing her justice by mentioning that she inspired the title of my blog: On The Road To Success. I can write all day long about her, but I promised myself to be brief. (I wrote something about her in detail, here). Simply put, I'd name her my person of the year - 2009, if I have to. I know she's reading this: Thank you very much. You've earned a place in a chapter of my success story (no matter when I write it). Remember, you still have many lives to impact. You can't stop now! Come 2010, "we gonna post up on the top spot!" Right? The road ahead is daunting. But I'll see you at the finish line.

4) Lincoln Parks: I like the name Lincoln Parks! We have not met but he continues to impact me from afar. He got me interested in a great success coach - the late Jim Rohn. Consequently, whenever, I quote Jim Rohn, it's thanks to my friend - Lincoln Parks. I hope he reads this: Thank you very much Mr. Parks. I'll see you in Atlanta, GA in 2010 (God willing). Keep putting out those great messages. I remain a fan of your blog: lincolnparks.com.

5) Marilyn Figueroa: Great Facebook friend! Again, I must confess, I like the name Figueroa! She's a great leader who believes in business ownership. She reaches her audience via videos. She puts out great messages and inspires me to take my business to the next level. I like her video on Customer Service. Thanks, Marilyn. I enjoy your every video!

6) Paul Kroto: We have not met! He has a lot energy and passion for his business. He puts out lots of inspirational messages too and I visit his website - PaulKroto.com - from time to time to see what he has been up to.

7) Sama Ndango: I have not met Sama. He's an upcoming motivational speaker who reaches out to his audience via videos. He puts out lots of inspirational messages and he has an amazing STORY. The day I read his story, I was like, WOW! Recently, he started his talk show - the Sama Ndango Show. He's one of those ordinary people doing extraordinary things. A guy to watch!

8) Tamiko Zackery: I like this name too! I have not met Tamiko but we have spoken on the phone. She's a great leader who's dedicated to helping people reach their full potential. I wonder where she gets her Facebook status updates - very inspiring. She's one of those who get me back on track when I loss focus. I love a quote on her website TamikoZackery.com - "Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James.

9) Tishina Pettiford: She's a leaders' leader! She trains and motivates me from afar by giving me the opportunity to participate LIVE in Super-Saturday business events all across the United States. I was particularly motivated by an episode of "Life of a Platinum." She streamed it LIVE from Montgomery, Alabama on December 19, 2009. It was awesome!

10) Wilma Colon Ariza: She's one of my favorite bloggers. In her own words, "I review everything under the sun and share it with you and the world as a Social Media Personality, Internet Marketing Strategist, Personal Development Advocate, Social Causes Activist, Blogger, Author and Speaker." What you want to do is follow her blog, Everything Wilma. Thanks, Wilma! You have such an incredible STORY. You're an epitome of mothers who refuse to throw in the towel. You defy the odds and you've inspired me, not to make excuses. I have you in my prayers. I'll see you at the TOP!

The aforementioned people have inspired me in one way or the other and I'm grateful. My word to them: Thank you all very much for making 2009 go down in my history books, as the most educative and empowering year. As we enter 2010, my wish for you is that you continue to impact lives and may all your resolutions be achieved.

To all my Facebook friends: Thank you for being my friends. I appreciate you all. As we begin a new decade, I encourage you to "form winning alliances" and make room for the right people in your life. Happy New Year! I hope many more people make the list in 2010.

Debt, in this context, refers to something owed, such as money, goods or services. It's the condition of owing.

For many years, I've known debt to be a bad thing and I've tried as much as possible to be debt free (I'm debt free). This is in line with the preconception that getting out of debt is ideal. Every financial expert would advise a client to get out of debt because debt is bad. After some research, I have realised that debt can also be a good thing and it can make you rich. Today, there's good debt and bad debt.

I know some people would be quick to point out that they know the difference between good debt and bad debt. I used to think so too. Growing up, bad debt was a jargon. We considered bad debt to be debt which would never be paid back. In an event where money was loaned to someone who'd not pay back, we often qualified the debt as "bad debt." Good debt on the other hand was considered to be debt which could be paid back. Those days are gone and my understanding of good debt and bad debt have changed.

According to Robert Kiyosaki, the difference between good debt and bad debt is simple - good debt makes you rich while bad debt makes you poor. Good debt puts money into your pocket while bad debt takes money from your pocket. In fact, debt can make you rich! How? Hear from the investor and financial guru himself - in the video below:

Make sense? The problem is, many people get into debt for all the wrong reasons - to impress. They get into debt and buy liabilities (things that take money from their pockets) - things like cars, boats, a Rolex watch on a credit card, a vacation on a credit card, cell phones, computers, you name it. Smart people on the other hand use debt to get rich. They buy things that put money into their pockets. In other words, they use debt to invest.

The bottom line is, debt can make you rich. But in order to make it happen, you need to know the difference between good debt and bad debt. Most people say, "get out of debt." If you ask me, get out of BAD debt!